Mar
23

I’m Not Good Enough

When I was still in Europe over Christmas, I got a message on Facebook asking me if I would be interested in speaking at one of Pursuit Fredericksburg’s community meetups. I initially wanted to decline the offer. There was a voice in my head telling me something that kept me from saying yes right away. And that voice said,

“You’re not good enough.”

I believed it. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I haven’t been in the industry long enough. I don’t have enough followers. I’m not popular enough. I don’t blog enough. I don’t book enough weddings. The list goes on and on, folks. In this image-driven industry, it’s easy to feel like everyone wants you to believe it’s allll about you. It’s all about how many people know your name, how many followers you have, how much you charge for weddings, whether being a photographer is your only job, if you’re successful enough to be a husband and wife team, if you’ve been featured on Style Me Pretty, etc. etc. These things are all like meccas for the photography industry. Milestones in your business that until you qualify in at least three categories, you won’t be considered good enough.

2015-03-23_0004.jpg

You won’t be good enough to be taken seriously. Not good enough to gain a blog following. Not good enough to deserve a reply to your FB message or email to one of the photographers that ARE good enough. Until you reach the things listed above, you won’t be good enough to even come within 50 miles of hanging out with the cool kids of the industry. You probably won’t even hear back from them until you have at LEAST 2,500 Instagram followers.

These are the lies that voice in my head told me when Brandilynn asked me to speak at the Pursuit meetup… I’m. Not. Good. Enough.

People aren’t going to take me seriously. They aren’t going to listen to what I have to say. They aren’t going to care enough to show up. I’m not good enough.

You guys… this is the hardest part about being in an industry full of people who seem to be much more talented, beautiful, knowledgable, successful than you are. After a while, you start to take it to heart. You set the bar so high that your victories start to look like miniscule achievements that don’t even matter. You compare, compare, compare until you’ve convinced yourself that you really AREN’T good enough and you “never” will be.

I’m here to tell you that none of that matters.

It’s a smoke and mirrors game, folks.

2015-03-23_0005.jpg

Do you remember the last time I used the term “smoke and mirrors” on this blog? I was talking about Satan. And how he so often successfully tricks us into believing life is all about something that it’s really not all about at all.

This lie that we have to match up to a certain standard… that we have to have a beautiful home, beautiful friends, beautiful business, become wealthy, work from home, be invited to speak at all the conferences, host workshops, organize styled shoots, gain thousands of followers, book hundreds of weddings, become a household name in the industry, vacation with “the cool kids,” be published in Style Me Pretty/Southern Weddings/Professional Photographer magazine, sell educational materials and build an empire in OUR name…

It’s a LIE.

The only thing we HAVE to do in life is reflect Christ’s love onto others. Our purpose for existing is to love and serve others…

NOT ourselves.

Not our own name, our own brand, our own ego. I can totally understand now those blog posts I read years ago about people not partaking in any social media for their business. I thought they were crazy with a capital C. “How are you ever supposed to book a wedding if you aren’t constantly sharing about your work and your business?” I thought to myself. Well, they made it work. They invested 100% in serving their clients and by word-of-mouth referrals, they are still booking weddings today. They also took the time to pray and ask God if He would provide for their business if they “left” the industry. The industry that, to them, seemed to be all about your ego. And they are still successful today.

2015-03-23_0002.jpg

So of all these things? I’m not sure if they’re necessary. I’m still trying to figure it all out. Trying to find the balance between humility and “marketing myself.” Trying to keep pride in check and my head from getting big whenever I get more than 100 likes on a photo. How DO people do it? How do they remember and believe that it’s not about them when hundreds of people basically tell them that it is? When the people who are “higher up” tell them that their time is the most important resource they have… so important that they need to protect it from anyone and everyone who isn’t going to bring some sort of benefit – financial or intangible – back to them?

All of these questions have been swirling around in my head for the past year that I’ve really started to gain an understanding for how this industry typically works. The truth is, every day I feel like an outsider. I see photos on instagram of ALL the photographers I love and follow hanging out together while I sit on my couch at home in my 5-year-old sweatpants with unbrushed hair and yesterday’s makeup.

I didn’t go to a public high school. There were no cliques, no “popular” kids, no gigantic rumor mill. All I knew about public school was what I saw in movies (which I’ve heard is a pretty inaccurate portrayal). But sometimes I feel like the closest I’ll come to having that high school experience is being in the photography industry.

An industry where I can follow someone for years, comment on all their blog posts, finally gain the courage to write them and ask if they’d like to get coffee… and then get a quote for their hourly rate as a response.

It’s hard not to feel lonely in this industry. Don’t get me wrong… there are so many wonderful people who truly believe in investing in, serving, and loving others as their #1 priority in life. But those people are rare gems, and I’ve only met a few.

Even with all of this on my heart as Brandilynn asked me to speak about how God works in my business at the Pursuit Fredericksburg March meetup, I had no idea what to talk about. I thought I had nothing substantial to share at all. I just prayed. I prayed that God would show me what He wanted me to share. And that morning, I spoke about our purpose.

2015-03-23_0003.jpg

“If we let Satan get a foothold in our heart… if it becomes about ego, appearance, Instagram and FB likes, wearing busy like it’s a crown, and showing off our trophies… we have lost SIGHT of what is TRULY important. None of this matters if I’m not glorifying Him. If I’m not leading people to Jesus, I’m doing something wrong.”

Somewhere between talking about being brave enough to radiate the light of Christ and loving my clients, I found myself sharing the Bible’s warnings about the dangers of pride. It’s an ongoing battle for me, and I’m sure it is for many other photographers, too. But it’s reassuring to know that God wants to lead me in the right direction, and that by spending more time with Him, He can continue to mold my heart into one more like His own. A humble and lowly heart. A heart so serving it would take the lowliest place among us all and die for those who were farthest from deserving of that sort of sacrifice.

In my business, in my personal life, in my relationships… I need to be more like that. I need to reach out to the people who are most often ignored. I need to love on THEM. There are so many holes in the mission of the Church, and it is our job as Christians to try and fill those holes. To make disciples of all nations. To reflect Christ’s love to everyone I know and everyone I meet. It’s a tough mission! One that will take a lifetime to master. “But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” (Acts 20:24)

My life, my business, my accomplishments, they all mean nothing unless I use them for telling people about Jesus. That is why I am open about my faith on my blog. That is why I don’t seperate my business from my relationship with Jesus. That is the only reason why I feel okay with promoting myself on social media. Because if I wasn’t sharing about my faith through these outlets, I truly believe I would struggle so much more with not falling victim to a prideful heart. My reason for existing here is to point back to Him… to say, “Look what the LORD has done” and not the other way around. And I’m hoping that you will pray for me. That you hold me accountable to staying humble, transparent, and honest about my struggles. That you would extend grace to me when I mess up but encourage me to keep going. To keep fighting the good fight. To take up my cross and keep following Him.

“Whoever wants to come with me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul?” (Matthew 16:25)

2015-03-23_0001.jpg

I don’t want to gain everything the world defines as success and lose sight of what matters most in the process. If The Lord knows my heart is more guarded right where I am, with my 1,200 Instagram followers and 15-20 weddings a year, I am 5000% content with that. And so thankful for His sovereignty over my life, and that He loves me enough to lead me where He knows I won’t be tempted. If I lay myself down before Him every day in prayer, in studying His word, in spending time with Him… I have faith that He’ll only take me where He desires me to go, and that He’ll be my source of strength when I do face temptation. So, although this was hopefully the most depressing Mantra Monday post I’ll ever have on this blog, I want you to to know that in spite of all the struggles that I’ve faced being a wedding photographer, it has all been so worth it at the end of the day to know that I’ve been able to minister to so many more people than I ever could have dreamed of ministering to without the platform I have as a participant in the photography industry. It’s an industry fueled by personal ambition and often, ego and pride, but a few people believe that it’s much more about loving and serving others – not only people within the industry, but also those in need outside of it – and that with each follower they gain, that’s one more life to shine the light of Jesus into. I’m thankful for my platform every day, but I hope that God would take it away from me instantly if I ever lost sight of the “why.” That He would “consume like a moth what is precious to me” (Psalm 39:11) and better equip me for a life that is pleasing to Him. And if you read through this entire post, my heart hopes so deeply that you would take this as food for thought and not a “holier than thou” sermon :) Please write me. Send me a message on FB or an email or write me on the contact tab or leave a comment below. We can transform this industry and change the world if we simply hold each other accountable to doing what matters and keeping God at the center of every decision we make and everything we do. That right there is the answer, folks. And I hope and pray that you continue to fight this good fight alongside me.

2015-03-23_0006.jpg

Special thanks to Brandilynn Aines for these photos from the Pursuit meet up! 

 

 

SHARE THIS POST

24 Comments

  • Thank you. This is so, so good. Your words let me know that I’m not the only one, that I’m not alone in this. Thank you for writing about what’s actually important. Thank you for writing about the issue of popularity and being “cool.” This hits home in a big way.

    I’m so encouraged reading this and knowing that there is someone in the photography business striving for humility and kindness.

    <3,
    Camille

    Reply
    • Thanks for reading + commenting!! I’m glad you could relate! <3

      Reply
  • As I read your words, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for the way that God works in our lives! The perspective that He is developing in you is so healthy! We were created for one primary purpose – to KNOW and FOLLOW Him! Everything else we do, whether it be in our personal, business, or spiritual lives, has to be secondary to and flow from that relationship. In an industry that’s filled with so many successful Christian business owners, it can be easy to forget that Christ calls us to follow HIM – not follow the other people that He is leading. It is a difficult but necessary distinction. The struggle against pride, selfishness, and unbelief is a daily one for me, but today your post has reminded me that I am not alone, and that is priceless. Thank you, sweet sister!

    Reply
    • SO happy to read your sweet words and to be reminded I’m not alone, either!! <3

      Reply
  • This is so beautiful, encouraging, and just what I needed to hear today. I struggle with these concepts SO much. The battle between not feeling good enough, having joy in my work, and serving the Lord through it all weighs heavy on my heart at times, and I can’t tell you what an inspiration your words are to my heart….”my reason for existing here is to point back to Him… to say, “Look what the LORD has done”‘. < Love This. Thank you so much for being used of the Lord to shine truth into my life today.

    Blessings,
    Shannon

    Reply
    • It is truly a huge responsibility to be a business owner and to keep your heart in check and remember why we are here and why we’ve been given the gifts we possess. Every opportunity is either a path to Jesus and eternal life of the first step to a road of destruction and heartbreak. And I have to remember that every day! The Bible tells us that Satan walks around like a lion looking to devour prey… and he will do that any way he can, even by disguising evil as good. I probably sound paranoid, but I’ve just come to really realize the importance of drawing close to God and keeping my heart in the right place! Thank you for commenting! Please write me any time!

      Reply
  • Thank you so much for sharing this, Megan! It’s definitely something I’ve been struggling with as well and I’m encouraged by your honesty. =)

    Reply
    • I’m so happy I got to meet you!! Can’t wait for our coffee date so soon!! <3

      Reply
  • Megan, this is so beautiful. Ever time I read one of your posts I’m amazed by how vulnerable you’re willing to be- it’s truly refreshing. Thank you for these reminders of truth!

    Reply
    • Awww thank you Sarah. It’s so refreshing to BE vulnerable! So glad this post encouraged you! Xoxo

      Reply
  • I think this was a great post Megan. Believe me you are not the only one that feels like everyone is hanging out without you. I look at those same photographers and compare myself and wonder what if. I don’t submit my work to blogs and Facebook groups because no one will like it, I already know. I struggle with my self-worth in a lot of different aspects. I’ve been in business about 3 years and I just booked two weddings this year, it makes you feel like a failure when you can’t book as many as everyone else. Just saying…I know how you feel! We may have never met in person but next time you feel like you are all alone, just send out an email, chances are I’m sitting in the same place on the other side of my computer. Hugs! <3

    Reply
    • Heather, I hope you don’t feel like a failure!!! Just being a business owner is a huge accomplishment in itself. And those two weddings you’re going to shoot this year? That’s AMAZING that someone is trusting you to capture the most important day of their lives! It’s a huge honor for us as photographers, and you should feel just as excited about rocking those two weddings as you would for 50. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big hug!! I am proud of you!

      Reply
  • Wearing busy like a crown. Ouch. I’ve been really caught up in a photography project I’m doing and it’s so, so, so easy to within moments go from centering it on God to centering it mostly on God to centering it not-at-all on God. That’s where I am now. I’m going on photoshoots an trying to prove I have talent or ability or anything to make me worthy of one day being a real photographer. I’m conducting interviews but when I listen to the recordings to type them up I find I was the one talking and interrupting and making it about me. I’m trying to forge friendships but I’m trying so hard and pushing God away thinking I can handle it. Oh, goodness. This was a hard post. But a very good one, because I truly needed this. I need to realign. I need to get down on my knees again. I need to start over.
    I’m glad we serve a God whose promises are new every morning.

    Reply
    • So I don’t believe I can take credit for that “busy like a crown” line, I actually watched a talk by Mary Marantz the other day and she might have said something similar and it inspired me! It’s so true. Why do we wear ourselves out for the sake of looking busy? It personally stresses me out and becomes counterproductive to my business. I’m so glad that you are my sister in Christ and we both have the same commitment to serving the same Lord who loves us both dearly! I can’t wait to meet you someday!! <3

      Reply
  • megan, this resonates with me on a deep level. thank you so much for writing such powerful words of light and truth, and for sharing your beautiful heart. sometimes it’s so incredibly easy to forget that we are not alone in the least, and that there are countless others who feel exactly the same way we do. thanks for your bold vulnerability and honest transparency. this encouraged me. you’re a gem. xo, k.

    Reply
    • We are not alone! Despite how often it feels like we are. I have to remind myself of that every day, and we have to remind each other :) I’m so happy this post encouraged you. Please reach out in the future if you ever want to meet for coffee!!

      Reply
  • Megan you have such a BIG heart and this post is so amazing as well as the talk you gave a couple weeks ago. Girl you just rock and God is using you in so many great ways!

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for asking me to share at the March meet up, Brandi! You have been such an amazing friend this past year that I’ve known you! So blessed to be in the same little corner of this huge photography industry that you are! <3

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Shop Prism Presets

5 unique styles, one suite. get 40% off HERE!

FIND ME ELSEWHERE

Prism Preset Light & Airy Lightroom Preset Before & After Examples-11

The Community

A FACEBOOK GROUP FOR CLEAN & CLASSIC PHOTOGRAPHERS

Love bright, vibrant images and want to show off your work, learn editing tips and tricks, and connect with other photogs?

Latest Work

view recent shoots

In Your Inbox

get on the list

Get business, finance, photography, and personal updates straight to your inbox. 

Phone Presets

beautify your feed

Kick It Up Podcast

catch the latest episodes

PRIVATE EDITING SERVICES

Join the fam

the clean & classic photographers group

Do you love bright, clean, and classic photography? Join our online community to show off your work and grab some editing and shooting tips, too!