It’s one in the morning. I just got home from a beautiful night of worship at Hillsong’s Outcry tour and though I’m still pretty jumbled from getting home from Indiana earlier today (we drove through the night…!), I couldn’t let this Monday go by without giving a little update on the blog. I took last week off and I can’t remember the last time I went an entire week without blogging. I truly enjoy sharing about life on here and all my latest work and retelling my brides and grooms’ love stories here… but if I’m being honest, it was kinda nice to have a little break! Yet, I still felt pretty guilty knowing that there were people logging on looking for a new post when there wasn’t going to be one. :( Having a blog isn’t just for fun, or to show off what I’m doing… it’s a responsibility and a powerful tool. It’s just another aspect of my business – and my life – that I know God has given me to utilize wisely and intentionally.
As we were singing tonight with 20,000 other people, I had so many thoughts come to mind. I thought about how overwhelmed I’ve felt lately… how panicky I get when I feel like things are out of my control… how unsure I am about the future… how quickly I succumb to negativity and doubt. In those moments, it can feel like the world is ending and I can’t see beyond the issue that lies in front of me, blocking my path. In my darkest moments, I find myself struggling to remember that there IS a beyond, and someone goes before me to make a way. “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8). Isn’t it SO much easier to read that and be comforted in this moment… but doubt that it’s true when troubles actually arise?
The most comforting thing to me tonight is knowing that God is going to keep making a way for me even though I constantly doubt His willingness – and ability – to do so. I so often let myself forget just how big God is and how deep His love is for me, even when the messes I get myself into are ALL my fault. He is bigger than my shortcomings and He is more powerful than my weakness. His ways are more important than any problem I could ever encounter in this life… and even if I ruined EVERYTHING in my business, relationship, and personal life (apparently that’s my greatest fear – so silly!), God would still be there and He would still love me just as much as He did before I went and messed everything up.
My goal this week is to start thinking of ways that I can not only remember but truly believe that God is greater than the struggles I face, in the MIDST of that struggle. Has anyone found a way to do that?! I’d love to know :) For now, I’ll just keep repeating this verse…
“O Sovereign Lord
You made the heavens and earth
by your strong hand and powerful arm.
Nothing is too hard for you.”